We stand on the precipice of Web 3.0 today, and I know that sounds kind of dangerous. But I mean it in the thrilling, good way, as if we are about to hang glide or something. This means changes are coming to Blanduel as well.
Since the first time someone picked up a roughly spherical rock and threw it at someone else (in a sporting way), or tried to be the first to run back to the nearest forest clearing, there's been another person wanting to bet on the winner. We have come a long way since then, now able to plaster betting company names on the largest arenas ever built, and electronically connect our company with your money at the speed of light itself. But there's more to be done.
At the next stage of the web, you won't ever need to have money in the first place. Your paychecks can instantly be converted to blancoin, which can be used in the metablan to purchase virtual bloperty.
The greatest possible achievement of virtual betting is to make it feel just like you are really desperately in over your head, with an exhilarating but impossible dream of escape, and we are closer than ever to make this a reality. You can soon create an avatar on metablan, and if your bad bets come overdue, the hologoons of our robobookie will actually corner you in a seedy technobar and break your avatar's leg.
Notice that I said hologoons and dream with me for a moment. What if everything we take for granted as a physical object today started with prefixes like holo-? That's how it's going to be on web 3.0. Holotrucks. Cryptocrocs. Barges full of cyberbeets. And I can promise you there will not be a goddamn fungible thing in sight. Sorry, but that last one is especially important to me.
Blanduel's Place in the MetaFuture
The bold new future is not going to be created only by a single betting site. In fact, our site has actually been purchased by the national oil company of Russia. The largest blancoin-based betting site (but 57th in traffic) is now owned by the largest country (by area) in the world (but 57th in GDP per capita)!
We want to extend a special note to our subscribers whose medical information was accidentally linked to your Blanduel accounts in the 2019 data breach. We apologize for the inconvenience, but Russia now owns your medical information, and has elected to replace it with humorous commentary on American health standards. Also, your citizenship status, if applicable, may have been changed. Please visit your nearest embassy or consulate with some travel luggage and determine whether you may need to be deported.
Privacy is immensely important, and we hope that this bland writing style made you stop reading this paragraph by now. This is the part where we talk about how privacy is really good and we promise to be good while owning all your information and having no contractual obligation binding us. Your banking history belongs to Russia now, but when you think about it, Russia seems like a serious place that would not do you wrong.
At the start of a new web, we get to reset the rules, and be as rad as possible to our users. True, there is nothing stopping us from using the BlanBazaar as the sole global hub of all commerce, setting prices and banishing dissenters to the hinterlands. But we'll aim to not do that, and encourage our amazing biosphere of creators to keep creating new content to fuel us, while charging them with a number of low fees.
This Is Us
All this might sound like a lot coming from a Joe Blanton fan site. If that's what you think, stop it right now. Thinking that is going to be illegal soon, ha ha! Just a joke, at least until our CyberLobbyists come fully online.
It's true that we had humble beginnings, and as I have often stared at the cold panes of my window in my cold mansion, over tea that has also gone cold, thinking about how much more fun it is to be rich. It is this kind of mindset that drives me to think that there is something profound about changing our brand.
When you think of "platform," what comes to mind? For you it might be some amazing shoes, a tricky Super Mario level, or a place for Boba Fett to land his spaceship. All I can think of is some indistinct and abstract miasma of users and data. I am going to warm up this tea and see if it brings a spark back into my life. Staring at the word "platform" makes it look weirder and weirder.
I apologize again for getting off track! As the Creator of the company I am trying to keep it fun in this letter and use this part to humanize our mission. What we are doing as a team here is bringing us all to a bright future.
The company is not just me; it is also a lot of talented other people. But as a part of our sale to Rosneft I have to inform any Blanduel employees reading this that your time with us has been terminated and your keycards deactivated. So in a way when I say "we" and "us" I guess am talking about me for the most part.
Have I really painted a picture of anything that a person would want in their future? No. But join me, as we make sports betting a fundamentally inexhaustible resource for interactivity, presence, and the end of fungibility as we know it.
