Blangraphs

Welcome back throngs of viewers- we are about to begin the much awaited Joe Blanton vs. Phillies liveblog!
Due to technical difficulties of us now having to pay "Blyve", which I can only assume is the name Burt Blyven chose when I bought our old liveblogging platform we cannot actually do a "live blog".
So instead enjoy this "snive snog"!
Blanton enters, No. 56 from the bullpen. We wipes his brow 5 times and removes his cap. Apparently all he throws now is a slider- he must have purchased our TBI approved burger making kit which describes exactly how to roll your patties up into balls and spin them from 66 feet away onto the grill.
He inherits a mess left behind by 120 pitches in 5 innings "Roark". Two runners on, including the pitcher Nick Pizza. The situation is essentially hopeless as our slugger  TOJO steps up the plate. TOJO has been mashing for a .240 average this year with >1 HR.
Blanton stares in with a scowl that would make Ty Cobb tremble.
TOJO lines a hit into left! Pizza scores! It's a Papaslam!!!! The Phillies extend their lead over the hapless Nationals to 4.
Blanton goes back the well and hurls a few good sliders past Micah Owings to retire the side, lowering his ERA to a sharp 9.49 for the season.