Blangraphs

Here at Blangraphs we pride ourselves on moving the national conversation away from the traditional view of Philadelphia as a knee-jerk, overly negative fanbase that overreacts to small things. That's why you haven't seen much Bryce Harper content on this blog so far. However, with his first spring training at-bat just minutes away, we now believe that it is time to run the analysis and decide whether the trade was worth it.

The contract details:

• 13 years, $330 million plus $20 million referral bonus when Mike Trout is signed*
• No opt-out unless Bryce turns out to be a Geno's type of guy, if you know what we mean
• Contract adds an amendment to the next MLBPA such that robo-umpires will give Bryce four strikes when they are installed
• Comes with a bank account that automatically buys everything on Giancarlo Stanton's credit card statement

The analysis:

Clearly, there's not much we can say until Bryce has actually taken the field and seen his first at-bat, but once he does, we will immediately render judgment. Our Blanalyzer3000 has run all the possible outcomes and, surprisingly, there is a 99.98% chance that only one of two things will happen, and it all depends on that first plate appearance.

Possibility 1: Flailing Strikeout

Analysis: OVERRATED!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Possibility 2: Towering home run that rockets over the Disney castle, prompting a spontaneous fireworks display

Analysis: Cheesesteaks replace the food pyramid, new national anthem is the theme from "Rocky," UN passes unanimous resolution that it was drunk santa's fault.


 


So, it is not really a big deal, but you might want to watch today at 1:05pm EST to find out the future of the franchise, and our nation.

* Blangraphs Inc. has incorporated a strikethrough for this text in compliance with a tampering suit brought against us by the Los Angeles, California Anaheim Angels in the Outfield/Infield Baseball Club. It's still totally true.